Professor Hawking Talking with Paddy Power for World Cup 2014

Professor Stephen Hawking could be the godsend England fans have prayed for to end 48 years of penalty shootout woes and World Cup final heartache.

The widely renowned theoretical physicist has devised a winning formula on how to take the perfect spot kick.  In this quirky Paddy Power commissioned study, the author of The Grand Design, has found the conditions that suit the Three Lions, by analysing 45 matches played since 1966 and 204 penalties. Paul the Octopus’ replacement also believes the presence of WAGs is irrelevant, something the Barmy Army will surely welcome.

And the results are somewhat surprising;

• Stadium temperature, altitude, distance from London, referee’s nationality, opposing nation, colour of shirt and team formation all play a role in deciding their Brazil fate. At 30°C or higher, Roy Hodgson’s charges chances of winning are almost halved. 31 per cent of their games have been won at altitudes over 500m above sea level, while evening matches are a no-no, resulting in lower levels of success for the team.
• England have been 20 per cent more successful when playing in red or blue and employing a 4-3-3 formation has increased their winning ratio by 10 per cent versus the much adopted 4-4-2 system. They also fare much better against Eastern European teams than Western outfits.
• But down to the business end, the man who has 12 honorary degrees and a CBE believes and has proven that forwards, fair haired or bald players have a better success rate in the dreaded penalty shootout or sudden death. Forwards tend to score more penalties (81 per cent) than midfielders and defenders (67 and 65 per cent respectively).
• Players should avoid the middle at all costs and use a long run up. Those who aimed for the top corner in the past had a conversion rate of 84 per cent. A short run up was almost 30 per cent less likely to result in a goal (87 versus 58 percent).
• Finally, those who used the side of the boot increased scoring rates by 10 percent. Goalkeepers managed to save (or create a miss) 43 per cent of penalties when they moved side to side, just ask Jerzy Dudek.

We expect Roy Hodgson and Steve Peters’ resignation in the coming days.